I am officially closing this blog (or simply letting it die out).
1.) In the first week of September I had invited my master teacher (my immediate supervisor) to my Facebook. Unawares to me I had linked up this blog to my Facebook account. It wasn’t until two hours after I had accepted her invitation that I realized she was going to read this post. I quickly deleted the link on my Facebook – but my precautions were too little too late. In a span of 10 hours from the time she read it at 10pm, I was firedfrom my position as student intern.
Basically, I am now an official member of the dooced club. After getting in touch with my program director and after being told that under normal circumstances that student interns would be expelled from the program if given the boot from a principal…I was given a chance to explain my case to her and another high official at my university. Scared and shamed I went to the meeting, but long story short I was given a second chance; with conditions.
Unfortunately that was only the opener.
2.) Recent developments (~ 1 month ago) have deteriorated my standing in the dojo to the point that I have been “asked” to take a 2 week sabbatical from all dojo functions. My title as child instructor has also been taken away until further notice and my position as the community liaison for the dojo is on “indefinite” hold.
No words could describe the shame, distraught, and helplessness that I felt in the week following the meeting when one of the yudansha brought me the news that day. He acted on behalf of the other black belts and my Sensei.
I won’t get into detail in this so much but post-meeting I did remember acting out of line. My actions were cocky, inconsiderate, and not of a 1st kyu – who’s next belt would be black. I will also say that I unintentionally step on some toes – particularly some of the junior sensei – the lower ranking black belts. Fortunately – or unfortunately there were no transgressions done to both of my Sensei (as stated by him when I met him after the first meeting with the yudansha). I have too much respect for my Sensei to do such things, but I guess I am too much of a brat to do the same with the other ones.
I really don’t know what to say at this point. It’s been a week since I met up with my Sensei and although I felt better after our meeting (he did more than simply address what had transpired), I can’t help but feel that I single-handedly brought down the honor of the dojo.
Which brings me back to this blog.
For over a year I’ve chronicled my adventures in the art through my dojo. I’ve laid down some insightful posts…and some not so much (these were more personal in nature and did not pertain to the dojo). I have gained some friends, lost some, gained some more. I have detailed the art’s highlights to the best of my (in)ability and some of its nuances from the view of a rising rank holder.
That being said, the current revelations have made me realize that this blog is no longer an accurate, positive depiction of myself as an emergingaikidoist and as a psudo-representative of my dojo(s) and the teachings of my multiple sensei. It is with a heavy heart to also say that in a way, I have also let you – my few loyal followers – down. There’s a part of me that feels that I should have seen this coming, but in the interest of keeping what I have gained, I suppose I let my ego blind me.
I do plan on continuing to write in some capacity or another. However, I have decided, that in the interest of those parties affected by my intentional and unintentional actions, to close this blog.
When will I start-up again? Probably sometime soon or sometime long into the future. Who knows, whenever that maybe I feel that my presence and my voice is no longer welcomed at this point.
When I’m allowed back into my dojo, I don’t know what will happen. My situation has been talked about through most of the members and through some of those outside. I feel a lot of emotions at the moment (even almost two weeks after the revelations): anger, shame, sadness, bitterness, etc.
Whatever happens though, I would like to thank those who have followed me since the beginning. Thank you, you made my first foray into theblogsphere memorable and worthwhile experience. It brings me sadness, with a bit of anger that my experiment has ended this way. If any of you are mad, disappointed, weirded (whatever) out at me; please go for it! I have nothing but honesty left. It’s really up to the Universe at this point. If you wish to continue to follow me, please leave a comment below and enter an email address or a medium where in the event that I bring up a blog, I may contact you.
Some of you might be asking “why did you do what you did?”. Without being too open (in the event those parties who are affected read this). The school thing was a professional miscalculation on my part. As for the dojo situation: there are some past mistakes that no matter how much you do to put them behind you, they just keep on coming back to screw things up.
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I wish you well in your respective journeys.
Bummer, I too have been in the hot water because of blogspeaking. I feel feel ya! There is a saying knock down 7 times , stand up 8.
Learn and move onward. Hang in there.
These things too shall pass. I do wish you well. I’ve enjoyed reading your blog.
I’ve enjoyed your blog. You know where to find me.
I’m happy that you’ve retained your job. Your career is much more important than your web presence.
Also, in regards to your martial arts club – do what you feel is right and what works. If you want to stay and you can make it work, do it. If it’s time for you to move on, do it.
All the best to you.
ohh gonna be sad to see you go but I do hope that you will come out of all this on happier note soon. And whenever you return, I’ll be waiting to read your next post.
It was a pleasure and a honor meeting you!
I hope I will read more of you (let’s get in touch by FB, even if I log once in a decade, thx for the Great Firewall of China) and I know we will meet on the mats.. one day..
Aikido is life.. martial art is life.. budo is life..
and as life, they all suck from time to time!
they take you up and then they bring you down..
but then, as one important teacher told me after failing me to my 1.kyu examination, then you have to stand up again and that is the lesson..
and I will always value that lesson!
(only now I read the other comments.. mmh.. I’m never very original, as you know!!)
I am sure you will stand up again soon..
I am sorry for the school thing, but that is life, and I admire you for sharing your thoughts.. On the other hand, my father reminds me often to not write too bad or too ironic or too.. detailed about the “funny” things that happen to me working in China!
The wise old people…
Also, you did not let me down and I don’t think anybody else thought that..
as I mentioned before, this is a blog and one writes things from the heart about what happens around you..
you can put a title and try to draw a topic, but you are not going to get negative marks for being off topics!!
a blog is not a review!
if I want to read about Aikido only I read books.. but it is less entertaining than reading about how a normal guy lives his Aikido life and life out of the dojo.. also when Aikido drops away from the main subject..
That’s why I think one can establish friendship through blogs, starting from a common ground and then spacing.. if we were talking only about Aikido.. god, so boring!!! 😉
Take care, young fella’!!
Get back on your legs soon..
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